Everybody’s Talking, Nobody’s Listening

By Karen Kerruish

I used to tell marketers to go talk to their clients. But that was wrong. Now I tell them to go listen to their clients, instead. Talking too much is a fatal error for marketers. The standard approach – to spend an hour telling clients what you’ve been doing and what you can do for them – leaves them looking at their watches and thinking about the tasks they’re not getting done. How can you know what you can do for them if you have no idea what they need?

Every client is different. Every client’s needs are different. Every client’s projects are different. If you tell clients about all the roads you’ve designed, or hospitals, or office interiors, without understanding their specific needs, they may expect their project to be just another cookie-cutter design.

When you call on clients, you need to work at building rapport and trust, and you need to collect all the information you can on their immediate and longer-term needs. You can accomplish these goals by taking a sincere interest in what each client has to say and really working to understand their needs.

That sounds easy, but anyone who’s good at it will tell you active listening is hard work. It’s a skill – one you can learn. Rarely do people intrinsically possess the ability to listen actively.

Roadblocks to Listening

Most people tend to talk too much. They talk because they like to hear themselves talk or because they’re nervous.

They may be afraid that they‘ll leave out something important, or even that they’ll run out of things to say. Others, instead of talking too much, listen passively. Their minds wander (not surprising when you realize the average person thinks four times faster than an average per speaks).

They focus on forming their next question instead of listening to the response to their last one. They’re self-conscious and focused on how they’re coming across. And, even if they’re hearing the words, they’re missing important nonverbal clues, clues to the speaker’s emotional state and intent.

Design professionals, because of their logical thought patterns, frequently miss the speaker’s underlying intent. Logical thinkers hear the client say, “Our president is really concerned that this project be completed by December,” but miss the slight grimace that says the speaker’s own agenda is somewhat different.

Active Listening Skills

So how do you listen actively? When you call on a client, you should never do more than 30 percent of the talking. Make frequent eye contact. You should be “eye-to-eye” no less than 50 percent of the time. Take brief notes so you can come back to ideas without having to concentrate on them while your client is talking. Note-taking also reinforces that what the speaker has to say is important to you.

Check what you’re hearing by paraphrasing what the client has said in the form of a question, and ask for any clarifications needed, explaining as appropriate why you need the clarifications so the right information is presented.

Here’s an example. “So what you’re looking for is a consultant who will commit at least two people full time to the project. Is that right? What roles do you see these individuals filling throughout the project? I’d like to know so that we can select the right people for the job.”

To listen actively, you need to concentrate on both verbal and nonverbal conversation. Consider not just what they said, but how they said it. Listen to their tone of voice, watch their body language, read between the words. You can sometimes learn as much from what isn’t said as what is.

Active listening is really focusing on the other person. Don’t interrupt to insert your own opinions or ideas. Listen completely to what they have to say. Then, when they’re finished speaking, if you have something to add, go ahead and say it. But make sure you listen completely, and let the client know you have listened completely, first.

Exercise Your Skills

Like any other skill, the ability to listen actively requires practice. Practice with a colleague, your spouse, or a friend. If possible, find a third party to review and critique.

Try the following exercise: Find a partner and an observer (the observer is optional, but valuable). Have your partner choose a subject he/she wants to share with you, but tell him/her not to offer any information that you don’t draw out. (You can agree on the ballpark: a project, vacation plans, personnel issues, whatever). Choose a reasonable time limit (5 to 10 minutes).

Then find a comfortable place to sit where you can be eye-to-eye and won’t be interrupted, and start a conversation while your observer looks on. Try to discover the subject your partner chose, and really explore it so that you have a complete picture of his/her views.

Watch your partner’s body language. Listen to the tone of voice. Is additional information implied that you should ask about? When the time is up, summarize what you learned from your partner. Did you discover the news he or she wanted to share? All of it?

Have your observer critique. What percentage of the conversation did you talk? Did you ask open-ended questions?

Did you check your perceptions of what was said? How many times did you say “you”? How many times did you say “I”? How did you come across generally? Were you sincere? Interested? Focused on your partner?

Practice will help you build good listening skills. They need to become second nature to you so that they won’t disappear when you’re nervous.

Prepare to Listen

One way to reduce the likelihood of reverting to poor listening practices when you call on a client is to prepare for the visit. Jot down some open-ended questions before you go so you don’t need to be thinking ahead while your client talks. Try including on this list some “cue” questions such as “how much,” “schedule,” “key personnel,” “special issues,” etc., that can guide you no matter what direction the conversation takes.

Take notes, highlighting (circling or underling) key words that you want to come back to with follow-up questions. Don’t divide your attention between trying to remember these subjects and listening to your client.

Learn to practice your skills routinely with others: Your spouse, colleagues, friends. They’ll all appreciate you, and you’ll be surprised what you learn! As Wilson Mizner said, “A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after awhile he knows something.”

Karen Kerruish is head of Strategic Solutions, a marketing and communications consulting firm based in Bellevue, WA.